I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
