That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
