it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
