My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
