they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
