She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
