Just fell off a train. Bad.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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