Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
