My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
