i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize