Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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