Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
