Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize