I wish I could teleport
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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