you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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