i used baking grease as lip gloss
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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