I think I died a long time ago.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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