i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
