Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
