they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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