I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
