Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
