wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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