you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
organizing the empties. That sober.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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