walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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