Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
