buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
