Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
