i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
