Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
