i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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