I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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