So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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