I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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