this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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