Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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