if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
