Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
