I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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