I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
