we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
