1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
thus making me awesome and them whores
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Randomize
