I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
