WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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