I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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