Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
