Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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