is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Randomize
