Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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