I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize