do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
