I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
