If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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