His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
