So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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