like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
