Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
