Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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