in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize