Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
