just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
