He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
