Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
