The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
they need to just BURY HIM!
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I still have a little drunk in my system
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
