we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize