So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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