i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
