im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
