new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
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