I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
