I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize