also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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