So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
