it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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