i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
