it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
