I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
