Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize