Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
