I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
