The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I forgot how hot balto sounded
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
