Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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