is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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