I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
