The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
