I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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