I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
