i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
