My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize