Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
