you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
