I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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