i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
