I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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