he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
